Find Your Voice in Labor: What It Means to Release People-Pleasing in Your Birthing Journey
Birth isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you do. And in a system that often prioritizes convenience over consent and protocols over personal preference, finding and using your voice in labor is a radical act of reclamation.
This is your birth. Your body. Your baby. And your voice matters in every single moment.
Why Speaking Up Matters
When you're in labor, you're at your most raw, most intuitive, and most powerful. But paradoxically, it's also one of the times many birthing people feel most vulnerable, unsure, or even silenced. This is especially true for women and marginalized communities, who are often socialized from a young age to be polite, accommodating, and agreeable. We’re taught not to rock the boat, not to come off as “difficult,” and to avoid creating discomfort, especially in medical settings.
In labor, that conditioning can show up as hesitation: not wanting to offend a provider, not wanting to create tension, not wanting to seem like you don’t trust the professionals. And so, people-pleasing becomes a reflex. But in birth, that reflex can come at the cost of your comfort, your autonomy, and even your safety.
So how do we meet in the middle? Is it possible to advocate for yourself, ask questions, or push back on medical advice and still feel respected? Yes. It starts with believing that your needs, your instincts, and your voice are valid, even when they challenge the norm.
Because birth is not the time to minimize yourself. It’s the time to root into your inner knowing and be fully supported in your choices. Whether you’re birthing at home, in a birth center, or in a hospital, your voice is not a disruption, it’s a vital part of your experience. One that deserves to be heard and honored.
You Have the Right to Ask Questions
Let’s be clear: you are allowed to pause and ask for more information. In fact, you should.
There’s a long-standing myth in medical culture that compliance equals safety but that’s simply not always true. Real safety comes from informed care and shared decision-making.
Informed consent isn’t just a form you sign it’s an ongoing conversation where you are the central decision-maker.
Helpful questions to keep in your pocket (B.R.A.I.N):
“What are the Benefits and Risks of that?” What are the Alternatives?
“Is this an emergency, or do I have time to think about it?”
What does my (our) Intuition say?
“What happens if we do Nothing?”
These are not signs of being difficult. They are signs of being aware, involved, and worthy of respect.
You Have the Right to Say No
Yes, even in the throws of labor.
You can say no to cervical checks.
No to unnecessary monitoring.
No to induction or augmentation.
No to anyone being in the room who doesn’t make you feel safe.
Saying “no” is not confrontational. It’s protective. It draws a boundary that honors your body, your needs, and your peace.
This doesn’t mean rejecting every intervention. It means making conscious choices. Saying yes when it aligns and saying no when it doesn’t.
You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Comfort
This may be one of the hardest truths to integrate, but it’s so important: you are not responsible for managing how others feel about your decisions.
You are not birthing for your provider’s schedule.
You are not laboring for your nurses’ routine.
You are not birthing for your partner’s expectations.
You are not birthing for your mother-in-law’s comfort.
You are not birthing for social media’s idea of what birth should look like.
You are not laboring to prove anything to anyone not your friends, not your past self, not the world.
You are birthing for you and your baby.
That’s all that matters. It’s okay if that makes other people uncomfortable. You are not here to be agreeable. You are here to be supported, respected, and heard.
That’s not selfish, it’s sacred.
Advocacy Starts Long Before Labor
The ability to speak up during labor doesn’t come out of nowhere. It starts during pregnancy with education, support, and preparation. It starts by surrounding yourself with a team that welcomes your questions, respects your voice, and honors your boundaries.
This might look like:
Interviewing multiple care providers and birthing locations until you find one who aligns with your birth values.
Hiring a doula who reinforces your confidence and helps navigate your options.
Talking through “what if” scenarios with your partner so you’re on the same page.
Writing a clear, values-driven birth plan that communicates your preferences.
These steps don’t guarantee a specific outcome but they do build the foundation for a birth where your voice leads the way.
Feeling Heard Reduces Trauma
Your voice in labor is there to protect you. When birthing people feel heard, respected, and included in the process, they report significantly less trauma even when the birth itself doesn’t go as planned.
It’s not about whether you gave birth vaginally or via cesarean, with or without medication. It’s about how you were treated in the process. Did you feel dismissed or dignified? Were you part of the conversation or left out of it? Were you railroaded into a choice or did you make it confidently and calmly with resolve?
When you’re informed, listened to, and given real choices, your birth story is more likely to feel whole, even if it takes unexpected turns. Because birth is not only physical, it’s emotional. And that emotional imprint lasts.
If You Struggle to Speak Up, You’re Not Alone
Using your voice can feel overwhelming especially in a hospital or under stress. If that’s you, know this: you’re not broken. You’re just human.
This is where practice and support matter. You can:
Rehearse advocacy phrases with your doula or partner.
Learn and use the BRAIN acronym (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Next Step/ Do Nothing).
Make a plan for how your support person will speak up if you freeze.
Identify your most important values and preferences ahead of time.
Birth isn’t about performance it’s about becoming. You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to know you’re allowed to speak. And that your team should have your back, especially when you need it most.
You Are Allowed to Take Up Space
Let’s normalize this: asking questions in labor is wise. Saying no is allowed. Taking up space, emotionally, physically, and vocally, is powerful.
You deserve care that sees your humanity. You deserve a birth team that doesn’t just tolerate your voice, but celebrates it.
The more we practice self-advocacy in pregnancy and labor, the more we create a birth culture rooted in partnership, dignity, and autonomy. A culture where birthing people are trusted, not controlled.
Where babies are born into a world that saw their mothers clearly, fully, and with reverence.
Welcome
I’m Lindsey Eden
Doula and birth photographer based in Denver Colorado! Mama of two and passionate believer that documenting the journey of birth can heal and change lives!
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You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
If you're ready to feel supported, seen, and truly heard in your birth experience, I’d be honored to walk this path with you. As your doula, I’ll help you prepare, practice advocacy, and show up for birth with confidence and clarity. Together, we’ll build a plan that centers your voice, because you deserve to feel powerful in your choices and held in your becoming.
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and explore what your support could look like.
